Is It Possible To Have A Friend Of The Opposite Sex
Posted: Thursday, September 02, 2010
by Grace O'Malley
Hubby and I have been having a discussion lately. He says it is almost impossible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex. Eventually there will be more intimate thoughts. I say it IS possible for a woman to be friends with a guy and ONLY friends. You know why? We women do not necessarily look at a man as a sexual object. To us if a guy is not our type' we look at them as a brother. Trust me, the last thing we want to think of is doing THAT with our brother. If we women are in a committed relationship with you we will not have the urge to wonder or to wander.
Case in point: we are out with the girls. Four men walk in the door. We all look up to see who is moving by us. Thirty seconds later we can tell you the color of the eyes, the sincerity of the smiles and if he is confident or shy by the way he walked. If we are quick enough we may be able to tell you how well you filled out the back of your pants, but that would require we have had a drink or two in us by then.
And please do not go on and on about our gay' male friends. They make the absolute best girlfriends' in the world. If we want to go cry on their shoulders when you were an idiot and hurt our feelings, let us go. We just want to commiserate and bash you for a while. We will come back and appreciate you more when we do. You however cannot do the same with "her". "She" is a vulture and only wants to take you away from us. And you will succumb. The thought of resting your weary head on her while she rubs your temples and croons her pitying words only makes the blood rush from your head and head south.
Men are always telling us that "she's just a friend" referring to a female that happens to be in his life. We are supposed to accept that statement blithely and go about our merry ways. Wrong! Whether they knew "her" before we came along or not is irrelevant. Once you become "ours" you better be warned that women can be jealous creatures.
Why are we jealous? To women we see "her" as the competition. We do not care that the two of you share an interest in hockey, can recite the line-ups of the Redwings for the last 25 years and were there when Dominik Hasek won them the Stanley Cup and retired. I'm only going to say this once and you need to pay attention: WE DON'T CARE. "She" is your past and I am your present.
We absolutely KNOW that men will at one time or another see "her" as a sexual object. You guys cannot help it. Unless "she" looks like she fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, weighs 350 lbs and has acnes pustules popping out all over her body, "she" is the enemy. Even then you'd probably think of something nice to say about her, like "she" is the nicest person. We're sure she is. Again, WE DON'T CARE. She's a female and has those certain body parts you do not. Eventually you are going to wonder what it would be like to "be" with her. You will have then just committed the sin of cheating by longing'.
I'm sure you guys are now sitting there saying to yourself, "I don't do that". Heterosexual males cannot help themselves. It is innate to their beings. They look at women as potential mates and part of the territory they would like to claim. Even if she is not your type', if you spend enough time with a female and get along with her, you will have a fleeting second or two of hmmmmm' pass through that mind of yours. Tell me I'm wrong.
Case in point: you are out with the guys. Four women walk in the door. You all look up to see who is moving by you. Thirty seconds later a guy can tell you the size, shape and wow factor of three things: their boobs, their backside and/or their legs. If quick enough they may be able to tell you her hair color and length. This would require said men are still sober however.
Is it any wonder we don't believe you when you say she is "just a friend"? See the difference?
To all the women reading this, you understand what I'm saying, right? To all the guys, just take my word for it. Even if you don't think this makes sense. We don't have to make sense. We're women. Case closed.
P.S. As a side note guys, when out with your girl, please remember one very important thing: when the Kate Beckinsale look-alike walks by your table on date night, DO NOT give yourself whiplash watching her walk away. It is not polite. Retribution will be forthcoming. We know where you sleep at night. Thought you might like to know.
Again, do not try and make sense of all this. We are women. 'Nuff said.
And please do not go on and on about our gay' male friends. They make the absolute best girlfriends' in the world. If we want to go cry on their shoulders when you were an idiot and hurt our feelings, let us go. We just want to commiserate and bash you for a while. We will come back and appreciate you more when we do. You however cannot do the same with "her". "She" is a vulture and only wants to take you away from us. And you will succumb. The thought of resting your weary head on her while she rubs your temples and croons her pitying words only makes the blood rush from your head and head south.
Men are always telling us that "she's just a friend" referring to a female that happens to be in his life. We are supposed to accept that statement blithely and go about our merry ways. Wrong! Whether they knew "her" before we came along or not is irrelevant. Once you become "ours" you better be warned that women can be jealous creatures.
Why are we jealous? To women we see "her" as the competition. We do not care that the two of you share an interest in hockey, can recite the line-ups of the Redwings for the last 25 years and were there when Dominik Hasek won them the Stanley Cup and retired. I'm only going to say this once and you need to pay attention: WE DON'T CARE. "She" is your past and I am your present.
We absolutely KNOW that men will at one time or another see "her" as a sexual object. You guys cannot help it. Unless "she" looks like she fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, weighs 350 lbs and has acnes pustules popping out all over her body, "she" is the enemy. Even then you'd probably think of something nice to say about her, like "she" is the nicest person. We're sure she is. Again, WE DON'T CARE. She's a female and has those certain body parts you do not. Eventually you are going to wonder what it would be like to "be" with her. You will have then just committed the sin of cheating by longing'.
I'm sure you guys are now sitting there saying to yourself, "I don't do that". Heterosexual males cannot help themselves. It is innate to their beings. They look at women as potential mates and part of the territory they would like to claim. Even if she is not your type', if you spend enough time with a female and get along with her, you will have a fleeting second or two of hmmmmm' pass through that mind of yours. Tell me I'm wrong.
Case in point: you are out with the guys. Four women walk in the door. You all look up to see who is moving by you. Thirty seconds later a guy can tell you the size, shape and wow factor of three things: their boobs, their backside and/or their legs. If quick enough they may be able to tell you her hair color and length. This would require said men are still sober however.
Is it any wonder we don't believe you when you say she is "just a friend"? See the difference?
To all the women reading this, you understand what I'm saying, right? To all the guys, just take my word for it. Even if you don't think this makes sense. We don't have to make sense. We're women. Case closed.
P.S. As a side note guys, when out with your girl, please remember one very important thing: when the Kate Beckinsale look-alike walks by your table on date night, DO NOT give yourself whiplash watching her walk away. It is not polite. Retribution will be forthcoming. We know where you sleep at night. Thought you might like to know.
Again, do not try and make sense of all this. We are women. 'Nuff said.
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More commentsYour husband is absolutely correct; it is a DNA hardwired hormonal fact of life that any true dyed in the wool male cannot be platonic friends with any woman without drifting thoughts of being impaled upon her.It is neither right nor wrong nor indifferent; it is a biological certainty and most 'stilted' of us.She could be 800 pounds and have leprosy.Women tend to impose an emotional or cerebral judgement about this fact and it is simply that they just cannot remotely understand this fact.Men barely understand it themselves.It is simply that puberty hits boys MUCH harder than it hits girls; it's always boys, not girls who are, in any species, humping the furniture......LOL oh Paul you and I could make one awesome post together! Thanks for the grins as usual.GraceShhh, don't tell your husband that you and Paul are sharing the same post. :-)Hehe okay, I'll be careful.
So true, so true! My hubby is one of those men that says he is "not like that" but I have to put up with us seeing his ex-missus on occasions (one of the perils of step parenting) and I know that he notices that she is half my size and 15 years younger - how could he not? But he keeps his blinkers on and says I am the one with the problem. Ha! Fortunately being woman I know how to get my own back and make my point in far more subtle ways than he will ever appreciate - oh I love being a woman :)hehe, I do love being a woman too. While this was meant as satire there are bits of truth in here. Though I do adore men and all their foibles. Thanks for coming by and commenting Lisa.Grace
Kacy says the same thing but I'd have to check myself for contagious love lost lesions or crusty lust molds, afterwards; perhaps one day soon we shall, you and I, collaborate towards a comedic piece on SW.....Affection,Paul
It's the truth Grace. With one caveat. While it may not be polite to notice pretty women, we can't help that either. Hopefully not whiplash though. My spouse and I can share the moment without her being threatened, discussing it briefly. The key here is differentiation, as per Dr David Schnarch's Intimacy & Desire, the best book on relationships I have ever seen.You are a sweetie for acting that way around your wife. A lot of men do not. Thank you for coming by and commenting.Grace
Yep and we need to remember with every girl/guy friendship there is a guy in the equation and see things through their filter. Also, if you are married why take a chance to lose the most precious relationship in your life? Good piece. Having said that a guy I "adopted" in college as my older brother is still in my life - I introduced him to my roommate and best friend so now Mick and I have them as friends and it is GOOD!It's a fine line to walk, isn't it Marijo? How cool that you not only had a good friend like him but you got to keep him around after marriage. You're lucky!GraceYep - one time when we were both single he wanted to pursue a dating relationship and my comment was "why wreck a good friendship" In retrospect, that was probably the wisest thing I ever said to a guy! We are very close with both of them (they have been to visit us countless times since we moved to Colorado and we ahve been to CA to visit them - Paula is my best friend for 40 years now and Ed for 44 (we are getting to be more "vintage" daily....) Mick and Ed get along so very well and he enjoys Paula too.Smart lady! I'm not sure I've ever known a male/female friendship to work out as well as yours has. I'm envious.Grace
Sorry Grace, you are completely mistaken. I for one would not give a second thought to one of you ladies gay male friends. ;-)hehe You're so cute David.
Grace, I love your writing style. I am in a rush, but your article kept me reading one paragraph, then another. Depending on the guy, he can indeed have female friends. Of course, the drop-dead gorgeous friends may inspire that occasional thought. But one can admire and not touch! There are other guys who cannot or choose not to resist.Dave, you're a sweetie! Come back again sometime. You never know what kind of thing I'll be talking about next.Grace
Amaging article on the issue of rights of men and women. Thank you for sharing.It is true biological factor of male and female attract to each other with sexual thoughts. It is also in animals. But once the response from others is indentified negtative or sin, he/ she immediately ignore such thoughts. While a Brother is in the sister or mother bed, no thought or urge originate at each end. The sister also in the brother or father bed, no thought or urge originate at each end.Pshchologist said that the thoughts and feelings of female and male model are diiferent. so that both men and women can become more profound friend in same sex to share their feelings ..Thank you so much for coming by and commenting Gaurav.Grace
Hey Grace!''Men and their eyes...'', they are so dependent on the pair.I enjoyed the conversation between you and your hubby, as you have presented it so well and lively.Thanks for an entertaining post.Good day Chiradeep. It's nice to see you again. Thank you for coming by and commenting.Grace
Interesting article Grace. I do have some male friends that I knew before my husband and I married and he has some women friends that he knew before we married. Neither of us feel threatened but if any of them come to town we all go out together so we have all become friends.You are a very lucky woman Linda. Not many people can claim that. Jealousy is a hard task master sometimes which is a shame.Grace
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