An Uncommon Look at Domestic Violence

A young couple decided one night that they wanted to take a night out for themselves. The neighbors next door offered to watch their two young children for the evening so the couple could enjoy it.

Upon their return M went to look in on their babies while F went outside to check on a growing raucous from the neighbors across the street.

M prepares for bed, as the hour is already late. F however, does not join M in their bedroom, and instead spends time with the neighbors. Nearly two hours later, F returns to their apartment, gets undressed and crawls into bed. A confrontation ensues between the two with M questioning F's motives with the neighbors for so long. With F screaming mere inches from M's face and having backed M into a corner, M pushes F away and turns to leave, hoping to walk away and end such a foolish argument. In anger, F strikes M with a bottle, not once but five times. M walks away to the next room and reaches for their baby who had been woken by the yelling and calmly returns to their bedroom in the hopes of comforting their son.

F was now relentless: packing clothes and threatening to take their children away. When M would not relinquish their baby, F poured on more anger, threatened M with the police, and attempted to forcefully remove their child from M's arms. Laying there clutching their infant, M held on tight and refused to let go. Rage now clouding judgment, F picked up the phone and called the police.

As the evening's events were told, the police separated the two. Trying to protect F, even after all which had transpired, M responded with vague words, answering the officer's questions, but never fully answering. Years of experience had seasoned the officer though, and he knew better; the marks on the side of M's face and arms were plain for all to see. The officer nodded, turned and walked into the next room where his partner was conversing with F. Silently he motioned to his partner, who asked F to turn around, then placed F in handcuffs.

This wasn't the first time that F was violent and physically attacked M, nor would it be the last. Domestic violence was part of their lives. Any handy item lying around could and did become a projectile. M tried so hard to keep the peace, giving in and begging F to stop and think before acting. The anger management classes F was ordered to take by the courts only helped for a short amount of time. The more F attended them, the more frustrations built. Threats were made towards M's family if M said anything. Lies and untruths swirled around to their friends as F continued toward a downward spiral.

The marriage eventually broke apart due to that domestic violence, leaving M a broken shell and giving F the chance to spread the hate and anger to others. After years of this abuse, M wondered who, if any, could ever love or appreciate this husk of a person. The physical scars would heal, but the emotional ones would last much longer.

If you read this and think that M was lucky to have gotten out of this relationship, you're right. M, like most victims of domestic violence, was in a situation that many think is easy to get out of but in actuality is more difficult than you may realize. Domestic violence abusers use not just physical, but mental degradation to wear their victim down.

This is an all too common story. What is less common about this one is that M is a man. He was a victim of domestic violence. His being a man did not make it any less a horrific existence. As men, they are taught to protect a woman, not hurt them. With the way the law looks at them, since they are bigger and stronger they must be the one to take it and not defend themselves. While a woman can plead self defense in court if she reciprocates the violence, men would be laughed out of town if they applied the same reasoning.

He never thought of himself as a victim of domestic violence. That is something women and children go through. It wasn't until someone pointed out to him that if the situation was reversed and he was the woman in the relationship and she that man that no one would question that the situation would be deemed domestic violence. It was not easy to admit that as a man he was powerless to protect himself.

Men can be victims of abuse too. Just ask M.