Having An Ileostomy Brought A Guardian Angel
Posted: Monday, August 30, 2010
by Grace O'Malley
It was a day like any other. Weak winter light was trying to break the gloom of the night. Dawn pushed its tentacles through the grey enveloping cloak. The alarm trilled its cheerful greeting announcing that it was time to begin another glorious day. Her eyes remain closed while she assesses her discomfort level. Wiggling her bright pink painted toes she is pleased when there is no pain. Upward towards trim ankles, shapely calves and dimpled knees it is apparent that four hours rest had eased the muscle spasms. "Breathe deep" she thinks before continuing on. "In and out, in and out" becomes her chant. Thighs are taught with anticipation. Onward in her evaluation she finds that the horrid spasming in the abdomen the night before has left its mark. Her normally flat belly protrudes outward, rippled with hard ridges that shouldn't be there. Darn having to live with Crohns.
With a rumbling sigh she rolls off the side of the bed, cursing when the floor's drafty chill removes the last warmth of sleep. As she pads to the bathroom a litany of the day's tasks runs through her head. So much to do. All she needs is some coffee and all will be right with the world. Once that caffeine buzz begins she will once again accomplish as much as she can before the pain takes over her every waking moment. To heck with the Crohns if caffeine starts the pain all over again. Ticking off her list and arranging them by importance in her mind, she finishes her ablutions and realizes she cannot straighten up. Her body is wracked with cramps so severe she cannot catch her breath. Instead of the constant ebb and flow of pain her tormented body is used to, she instead feels its fingers closing in like a vice to her stomach. And it will not let go. Lifting her head to look in the mirror she sees a gaunt, sunken eyed wreck looking back at her. The shock of it all has the tears begin to flow copiously once again.
"What is WRONG with me?" she questions. Fear overtakes her mind as she stumbles to the phone. "Jess, I think I need to go to the hospital. Can you take me?" Without question her friend agrees and rushes to her side.
While waiting she tries to dress. After many failed attempts the friend finds her sitting on the edge of the bed forlorn and helpless.
"I can't get dressed Jess. I haven't the energy left in me to even put on my shirt. I'm scared Jess."
Her friend comes over and like a mother with a child, glides her arms through soft sleeves of blue. Sliding well worn sweat pants over emaciated limbs her friend holds back her shock at the sight. With infinite care the two walk to the car that will transport her to help. Both prayed along the way that someone will have a miracle waiting.
She was fortunate the ER was quiet this morning. Yes she has Crohns, no she is not on medication. Triage was finished before she could even finish her paperwork. That was okay by her since she couldn't remember her insurance information. Everything was too fuzzy in her chaotic mind.
During the next few hours she manages to nod off now and then. The clinical atmosphere and enervating cold has zapped what little energy she had left. A new physician introduces himself and informs her that he has concerns that should be addressed. Admittance to the hospital is required. Let them set her up in a room while he reviews the results and he will join her shortly. Only minutes after being settled in her peaceful private room an aide rushes in with a pile of heated blankets. Oh the enveloping heat feels so good. Would she ever feel warm again?
A physician enters the room and nonchalantly closes the door. Immediate surgery is the only thing that can save her life. Without it she will certainly die. Her vitals are too low and erratic prohibiting anesthesia at this time. The best course of action is to intubate her and hope the forced feeding will give her enough strength to make it through the long procedure. He counsels that prayer and a powerful need to live would not go amiss either.
The next couple of days passed in a rush. On another winter morning, before the dawn had even tried to color the sky, she was prepped and wheeled to the OR. When she woke hours later the sun had risen to its peak. Wiggling her bright pink painted toes she is pleased when there is no pain. Upward towards trim ankles, shapely calves and dimpled knees it is apparent they are in the same condition. "Breathe deep" she thinks before continuing on. Thighs are no longer taught with anticipation. Onward in her evaluation she finds that the horrid spasming in the abdomen has disappeared. With a jolt she sits up. For the first time in years she is pain free!
Her giddiness is short lived as she runs her hands down the front of her. The cut from breastbone to mons has been not only stitched but stapled as well. When did she become a piece of material to be upholstered to a chair? Farther down she sees the "thing": that which she will forever have. No longer able to eliminate waste like a normal person, instead she will have this oh so attractive pouch catch and drain it for her. She has had an ileostomy.
She is me. I am her. My name is Grace. This is one of the many layers that make me who I am. Strong, stubborn, willful and determined, I see life through different eyes these days. Living with Crohns and an ileostomy has changed my life: for the better. Before the surgery I was merely existing. Today life has taken on a new meaning. Was it difficult to get used to having part of my insides sticking out of my body? You betcha. But it is much better than the alternative.
What I learned most through all of it is when life seems to take its toll, a guardian angel swoops in and helps carry the load. If I had given up when this happened I never would have met my husband, my knight in shining armor. The man who has shown me over and over again that life is always worth living, no matter what. During this current road in my life he has become my guardian angel. With him by my side I can do anything.
"What is WRONG with me?" she questions. Fear overtakes her mind as she stumbles to the phone. "Jess, I think I need to go to the hospital. Can you take me?" Without question her friend agrees and rushes to her side.
While waiting she tries to dress. After many failed attempts the friend finds her sitting on the edge of the bed forlorn and helpless.
"I can't get dressed Jess. I haven't the energy left in me to even put on my shirt. I'm scared Jess."
Her friend comes over and like a mother with a child, glides her arms through soft sleeves of blue. Sliding well worn sweat pants over emaciated limbs her friend holds back her shock at the sight. With infinite care the two walk to the car that will transport her to help. Both prayed along the way that someone will have a miracle waiting.
She was fortunate the ER was quiet this morning. Yes she has Crohns, no she is not on medication. Triage was finished before she could even finish her paperwork. That was okay by her since she couldn't remember her insurance information. Everything was too fuzzy in her chaotic mind.
During the next few hours she manages to nod off now and then. The clinical atmosphere and enervating cold has zapped what little energy she had left. A new physician introduces himself and informs her that he has concerns that should be addressed. Admittance to the hospital is required. Let them set her up in a room while he reviews the results and he will join her shortly. Only minutes after being settled in her peaceful private room an aide rushes in with a pile of heated blankets. Oh the enveloping heat feels so good. Would she ever feel warm again?
A physician enters the room and nonchalantly closes the door. Immediate surgery is the only thing that can save her life. Without it she will certainly die. Her vitals are too low and erratic prohibiting anesthesia at this time. The best course of action is to intubate her and hope the forced feeding will give her enough strength to make it through the long procedure. He counsels that prayer and a powerful need to live would not go amiss either.
The next couple of days passed in a rush. On another winter morning, before the dawn had even tried to color the sky, she was prepped and wheeled to the OR. When she woke hours later the sun had risen to its peak. Wiggling her bright pink painted toes she is pleased when there is no pain. Upward towards trim ankles, shapely calves and dimpled knees it is apparent they are in the same condition. "Breathe deep" she thinks before continuing on. Thighs are no longer taught with anticipation. Onward in her evaluation she finds that the horrid spasming in the abdomen has disappeared. With a jolt she sits up. For the first time in years she is pain free!
Her giddiness is short lived as she runs her hands down the front of her. The cut from breastbone to mons has been not only stitched but stapled as well. When did she become a piece of material to be upholstered to a chair? Farther down she sees the "thing": that which she will forever have. No longer able to eliminate waste like a normal person, instead she will have this oh so attractive pouch catch and drain it for her. She has had an ileostomy.
She is me. I am her. My name is Grace. This is one of the many layers that make me who I am. Strong, stubborn, willful and determined, I see life through different eyes these days. Living with Crohns and an ileostomy has changed my life: for the better. Before the surgery I was merely existing. Today life has taken on a new meaning. Was it difficult to get used to having part of my insides sticking out of my body? You betcha. But it is much better than the alternative.
What I learned most through all of it is when life seems to take its toll, a guardian angel swoops in and helps carry the load. If I had given up when this happened I never would have met my husband, my knight in shining armor. The man who has shown me over and over again that life is always worth living, no matter what. During this current road in my life he has become my guardian angel. With him by my side I can do anything.
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More commentsHoly cow lady! You came out of all that and still have a good outlook on life? My hat's off to you. Your man is a lucky guy.Thank you kind sir. I believe both of us are lucky to have found each other.
Wow. Grace, not only is this great writing but it is a heck of a powerful story. I agree that your man is a lucky guy. Being positive in life is soooo important. Carpe Diem! -BrombergMerci sir Bromberg. Being positive makes life a little sweeter does it not?Grace
Grace, you remind me so much of my oldest sister as she went through so much suffering and became such an inspiration. From the time I was old enough to be able to stand beside her through many surgeries for cancer or bouts of it, I was there. You are a vision just as she was and a living testimony for God. I remember the first story I read that you told and if you survived that, you can get through anything. Did they take too much bowel? Is that why the surgery can't be reversed? SuzyThank you for your comment Suzy. You are a wonderful person to stand beside your sister like that. Not many people would do that. You are another "guardian angel".I had all but a few inches of small intestine removed so there is nothing more that can be done. The disease had destroyed everything to the point the intestines fell apart in their hands as they searched for a healthy section. But that is life and I am lucky to continue to live and be with those whom I love.
"God never closes one door without opening another." Your life seems to bear this out- You are indeed a strong woman- Maybe you were born that way because you knew what you would have to go through in this lifetime- Thanks Grace- Always- EllaElla you are so right about that door. When it slammed and locked on me I never realized behind me was one that was wider and deeper than all others. Thank God I looked and went through. I appreciate your coming by and commenting.Grace
I do not mean to sound terse, but you madam could do anything without a guardian angel. I know that you thank heaven for every minute of support and companionship that your wonderful husband has provided you, but I think he would be the first to say that your strength comes from within, he simply helps nurture this outstanding virtue. As lucky as you are to have him by your side, he is equally lucky to have you by his. Have a wonderful day ma'am.BIG hugs David! I am honored you think that of me. You must listen at our keyholes though because he does tell me that quite frequently. You have a wonderful day.Grace
GraceI do not have to tell you what an amazing woman you are and how many lives you have blessed - including mine. Thank you for being you.mwahCarlaI'm blushing Carla, thank you for saying such nice things. You help inspire me to improve every day.Grace
Hi Grace.Honestly, I do not have the words to express what I am feeling right now. Some of it, I'm sure, is gratitude that it has not been given to me to bear what you have had to. But mostly I think it is inspirational that you have moved passed something so life changing.This is very well and powerfully written.Hugs, DianneHugs to you too Dianne. None of us know how we will react until it is put in our path. I'm sure you have had many things to endure in life and came out on top. You are amazing in your own way.Grace
Dear Grace! I won't say that it's a lovely post instead I would say it's a story, wonderfully written & presented which describes the lovely way that God is holding you in His arms with an guardian angel by your side.God's way of leading somebody's life is just amazing. I am a congenital heart patient, had two open heart surgeries already, yet married and with an amazing wife by my side (my guardian angel). Am I healed now? Physically! No way, but mentally I am healed and counseling others. I work, and do all normal works as others do. Only I cant be an athlete & be faster as others. What's the need? People are there who can't do what I am doing. Now I thank the Lord for making me that way.This piece of your life can really help so many. It encouraged me again in life too. The positive vibe that you create & spread with your positivity is commendable. Its all because of His grace.May God bless you abundantly and may He use you for His glory by inspiring and encouraging the down casts & broken-hearted.I'm honored by your kind words. I appreciate your sharing and taking the time to come by and comment. You have been blessed by having a chance to be loved by a good person.GraceYes, you're so right sister. Having a normal health person as your better half is just a blessing to the highest extent. I have never thought I would ever marry even. Who will? But God knew, who will...Did you see my poem? My first & last poem (may be) till now.
Great job, Grace and I can identify...my son recently was diagnosed with Chron's,...and I was blessed with a guarian angel (my wife) while under going two back to back open-heart surgeries - It amazes me what we can take on in life, when we have to. Again, awesome story!Wow, you do have a lot to deal with Dave. I'm happy to hear that you do have an angel in your life with your wife. How old is your son?Grace
I admire your strength and determination Grace and your willingness to share your story. You truly are an inspiration to all of us and have a wonderful outlook on life.Thank you very much Brianna. Letting people know they CAN have a life after such a thing can be important to know for some. Especially women
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