Divorcing With Children - They Threw The Baby Out With The Bathwater

A lot has changed in the world the last 50 years. We have had massive strides in science, health and equality. When they were our age, our grandparents could not fathom a life like we live today. We are constantly attempting to right wrongs and make our time on this earth a better place. Sometimes though, we do too much.

Up until the mid 20^th century, if someone inside a marriage wanted a divorce they had to have cause: unless you became a six week resident of Nevada. Usually it was mental illness, incarceration, abuse, abandonment and the ever popular adultery. As we all know, sometimes a relationship fails for none of the reasons above; it just is not working. Well the powers that be decided that was not right. Let us give people another reason to petition for dissolution of marriage: irreconcilable differences. A nice catch all, this covers any and everything! Whoo hoo! But if there are children involved?

In the interest of the child (it's always about the children, or so they say) we need to change the laws so that instead of the father having all the rights, the mother gets them instead. It is wrong that one parent has control. So change the laws, they did.

Today, it has become automatic in a divorce that the woman gets custodial care of the minor children. After all, she carried them inside her for nine months. Therefore, she is the better parent. A man does not know how to take care of a child. It does not matter if the woman is a drunk or addict, sleeps around and brings strangers into the house, cannot hold a job and her house is so full of pest infestation an exterminator will not step in the door for less than $250. Nope, does not matter. She is female, therefore better qualified to parent. What does the father get? He gets to pay support for the children until the age of 18 (or 21 depending on the terms of the custody arrangement).

Today a woman can lie and accuse a man of anything and the courts will take her side, proof or not. If a man tries the same, he better have ten signed affidavits attesting to the incident along with photographs or video. Oh and he better be prepared to be slapped with charges for daring to invade her privacy by taking those photographs or video. She will walk out of the courtroom with a new and more favorable decree of custody. What does the father get? He gets to pay MORE support for the children until the age of 18 (or 21 depending on the terms of the new custody arrangement).

Today the woman can also refuse visitation, change the children's name, or enroll them in any religious, educational, or extra-curricular organization, all without consulting the father. She can travel with them across state lines, take them for vacations out of the country and let them have tattoos at the age of 14. What does the father get? He gets to pay support for the children until the age of 18 (or 21 depending on the terms of the custody arrangement).

Today a woman can find a plethora of law offices or clinics that will represent her in court for little to no money. A man has to somehow find thousands of dollars just to get through the courthouse doors. And then he must find thousands of dollars more just to break even regarding the court's decision. And we are not even talking about receiving a favorable decision.

Sometimes when we change the laws on something that has inequity, we go too far. This situation is not any different now than it was 50 years ago. The only thing that has changed is the player with the automatic rights. What about the rights of the children? Don't they also deserve the chance to know and love the man who gave them life? Doesn't he get a say in how they are raised and cared for?

Unfortunately, he does not. The mother now has sole control of the children's lives. And heaven forbid the father ever be late on child support payments. The circumstances regarding why those payments might be late are irrelevant. It does not matter if he has to sell off everything he owns because the economy tanked so horrendously that he now finds himself without a job. Sorry dad, but you were late on your child support payments.

The courts will quickly label him a deadbeat dad, issue a warrant for his arrest, take away his driver's license and passport, and even go so far as to throw him in jail. Now tell me, how can he ever hope to make payments while in jail? That's right, he cannot. Silly me, I forgot common sense does not play a role in state or government affairs.

The laws need to be changed once again. This time though, let us look at what is best for everyone involved, not just the mother. After all, fathers and children have rights too.

And this time, let us not throw the baby out with the bathwater.