What The Heck Were They Thinking?

Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears! Well I don't really want to borrow your ears. However, if you have a minute or two

There are two people in the world I would like to sit down and question, WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING OF?

The first is the inventor of the high heeled spiked shoe. Granted it makes the calves look ever so curvaceous, but honestly, if you have ever worn a pair of 3" (or higher) heels for more than an hour you would know it is actually a form of torture. And idiots that we are, we continue to buy and wear them. Women must be closet masochists.

Then there is the inventor of the bicycle. It is great that the woman's version is nice and open between the seat and handle bars, but sir or madam, what is with the metal rod on the guy's version? Was it your goal to have every male qualify to sing in the Vienna Boys Choir? If you have ever ridden one down a bumpy slope, you know at the bottom they will be singing soprano for awhile.

And what is with naming the travel time back and forth to work "rush hour". When was the last time you were even doing the speed limit, more or less rushing? I guess it's an oxymoron along the lines of military intelligence. We shake our heads about that one too.

Speaking of odd phrases: what about "it's raining cats and dogs"?

Umm, I don't know where you live, but where I come from it rains water. Sometimes it gets a little ice mixed in and rains a bit of slush, but I swear, I've never seen it rain cats and dogs, and I've been to some strange places in my time.

When people have misplaced something and finally find it, they always want to tell you they found it in the last place they looked. Well duh! Why would you keep looking once you find it? It's ALWAYS going to be the last place you look.

Sometimes people will tell you that they'll bend over backwards to help you out.

While interesting to observe, since not everyone is double or triple jointed and can't even begin to do such a thing, why then do we say we'll do it? Heck, most of us can't even bother to bend forward to help out another.

Speaking of "interesting", have you noticed that word can have so many connotations? You spend days creating an artistic masterpiece, produced gallons of sweat and gave up eating and sleeping just to let out your muse. Your significant other comes in, takes one look and says: Interesting. Uhhh, okay. Did that mean interesting as in you have put so much into this I am gobsmacked so give me a few moment to come up with words to compliment you effusively, or did that mean you have NO idea what to say because it is so awful.

There are a few phrases that have me scratching my head wondering what people were doing when they coined them. How about letting the cat out of the bag? Man, what was the cat doing in the bag to begin with? Do you always put cats in bags? What about when pigs fly? I want to know what kind of drugs the guy was on. He must be the same one that invented the rhyme: hey diddle diddle, the cat plays the fiddle, and the cow jumps over the moon. Yep, that guy needs to lay off the narcotics.

What I really want to know though is: when wanting someone to hurry, why would you ask them to stop and shake a leg; if you come across someone who looks like you, why would you spit on their image; if someone is filthy rich, wouldn't you think they have enough money for soap and water? Maybe they got in the way when the s**t hit the fan?

I'd ask someone why they think that today it could be said I'm full of p**s and vinegar, but I'm not sure I'd want the explanation. The mind boggles at that one.

No dears peoples, I'm not one sandwich short of a picnic and I don't want to upset the apple cart, but I wanted to point out you don't have to use a sledgehammer to crack a nut. I also wanted to point out that while life starts to get you down and you don't know what to do, there is a solution right in front of your face.

Smile. It looks good on you.