It Is Their Life Not Ours

Recently I read an article written by a teenager. In that article she spoke of how her parents would not pay for her schooling unless she achieved a degree in THEIR chosen field. While she did not have a problem paying her own way, the article continued by saying the control her parents have put her under her entire life has been difficult on her.

This story reminds me of how much pressure we can put on teenagers. Think about it. In the space of four years they are supposed to learn how to: interact socially, think and act maturely, hold jobs, excel academically, chose an extracurricular activity, give back to their community, learn to control and be responsible for a 2 ton vehicle that will hurtle down the road at 65 miles an hour, make informed decisions on whether or not to engage in intercourse, have a social life, and of course choose what kind of career they are going to do for the rest of their lives.

Think about all that. If you are an adult, look at the last four years of your life. Did you have to make all those changes and listen to everyone else telling you what you should be doing? Of course you did not. Then why do we think it is okay to do that to teenagers?

Anymore we put so much pressure on our kids, starting from infancy, to do more, be more and take more responsibility than they should. Whatever happened to letting our children be kids? We put them into sports and lessons to fill their time teaching them how to juggle schedules along with their job' of schooling, never letting them just get together and play'. You know playing don't you? It is a period of time where youngsters do silly things like jump rope, play board games, make chalk drawings on the sidewalks, have water balloon fights, go ice skating at the local pond and engage in the silliness of sitting around giggling over pictures in magazines or people in school. Instead we now structure our kid's lives so there is not time for that nonsense. What happened to letting a kid be a kid?

Once our children hit high school, all bets are off. No longer can they be frivolous with their time. They must start acting like the responsible adults you want them to grow into, yet we fail to remember one very important thing. They are not adults. Not yet. Like fine wines, they need to season a while. They need to experience life and learn what responsibility is, one step at a time. Too many parents think that by the time a child is 16/17 children should have their whole life mapped out in front of them and ready to tackle what is needed to get there. Unless your child has a passion for something that you have helped to encourage and support, the likelihood of a person knowing exactly what they will do the rest of their life is nil.

In other cultures it is perfectly acceptable to take the year after secondary school (high school) and live; travel, work, volunteer. It is called the off year'. This is the time that takes you from childhood to adulthood and decisions are made. It may seem that idea is a waste of time to some. Why is that? What rule/law states that someone must make life altering decisions without being given the chance to see what the world has to offer outside of the smothering atmosphere we as parents use to protect our offspring?

It is wonderful that there are parents in the world who care enough about their children they want them to have a good life: quite admirable in fact. I do too. But I look at things a bit differently. I chose my path. Right or wrong, I made my decisions and paid the consequences or reaped the rewards. I want the same for my children. I will counsel them and advise them as they grow. I will keep them from harm as long as I am able. But the one thing I will not do is tell them where they should go with their lives. I will let them be kids for as long as they can and enjoy the journey. Then I will support them in their decisions whether I think it is in their best interest or not.

Why?

It is their life, not mine. I will not live vicariously through them. Instead I will follow them through this time called life. I will be there to hold them should they need a hug, help pick them up if they need a hand. But most of all I will love and cherish them no matter what. I will watch them turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly and then see them fly away in all their glorious beauty in the end.